


Take Me Home

by Three_Oaks



Series: Oaksy's Prompt Game [17]
Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Break Up, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, can be read differently, more on the hurt side, very slightly implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Three_Oaks/pseuds/Three_Oaks
Summary: Ethan breaks up with Benji. Benji starts to worry that there is more going on.Mind the tags!Day 17:Take me home
Relationships: Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt
Series: Oaksy's Prompt Game [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676299
Comments: 9
Kudos: 26





	Take Me Home

"I'm sorry."

Ethan’s face was blank. He didn’t look at Benji. "It's better that way."

"Easy for you to say. You're the one breaking up with me!"

Tears started rolling down his cheeks, dripping onto the collar of his shirt.

“Tell me why, at least.”

“I’m just not in love with you anymore.”

Benji tried to repress a sob.

“That’s not true. Please tell me that’s not true,” he begged.

“I’ll take some clothes now. I can come back for the rest later.”

Ethan turned, and left the living room. Benji sat down on the sofa, unable to understand what just had happened. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe.

“Goodbye, Benji.” Ethan’s voice was mercilessly calm. Benji looked at him, mute from the crying, silently praying that he’d say it was just a joke, a terrible joke, that he’d never leave Benji. That he still loved him. Ethan looked at him one last time, and left.

Benji broke down.

***

Benji spent the next week in a haze. He thought he must have eaten, and slept, but he couldn't remember either. He couldn't remember anything, except Ethan leaving. How emotionless his face was. How his voice hadn't faltered, not even once. He hadn't looked sad. He'd looked dead.

He wanted to call him. Ask him how he was, if he was sleeping and eating and taking care of himself, all the things he wasn't even sure he was doing himself, because he still worried about Ethan first. He didn't think he'd stop, not anytime soon. He'd loved him too long to stop. He'd loved him for years, since he'd met him, if he let himself admit how ridiculously smitten he'd been at the first glance. He'd loved him through thick and thin, through missions and rare moments of peace. He'd loved him when he'd thought that he loved alone, that Ethan would never share his feelings. He'd loved him even more after he'd found out that Ethan loved him, too.

Two years. Two years, first of stolen kisses and secret moments in anonymous hotel rooms, then of shared dinners and movie nights, of quiet nights next to each other, of long mornings in their bed. Living together had been an adjustment, at first, but he'd been happy, happier than he thought he could be. And now, Ethan was leaving.

He should have known. There had been something on his mind since he'd come back from Rouen. He'd just thought that the mission had been harsh. He'd been wrong.

Ethan had been shaken, badly. Or so he'd thought. He'd been worried, because it was unlike Ethan to react that way. Sure, he'd sometimes sleep on the sofa when his nightmares got bad enough that he worried keeping Benji awake, but only one night or two, not two weeks. Physical contact could be difficult, after being hurt, too. Benji knew that too well himself, and he hadn't pressed Ethan. Still, he'd wondered why he'd been avoiding him so assiduously. Benji hadn't know why. Ethan hadn't wanted to discuss it, not yet, and Benji had left him alone. Maybe he shouldn't have.

Ethan breaking up with him had been the first real conversation they'd had since he came back.

***

On Monday, he went back to work. Avoided Brandt and Luther, completed his task with as little thought as he could. Went to the gym, which kept him distracted for an hour or so. He made a note to come back more often.

On a whim, he booked a hotel room. It seemed easier than going home, and finding it dark and empty. Ethan wouldn't be there, waiting for him with a smile and a kiss, to hug him from behind as they cooked, to chat with him until dawn, even though they both had work in the morning. He missed everything about him. His warmth, his kindness. They way his hair fell on his forehead when he concentrated, the wrinkles that had appeared at the corner of his eyes. His arms around him. His weight on him, the feeling of their bodies pressed against one another. The need that rose in his chest when Ethan kissed him, and the pleasure that followed. He missed his voice, telling him everything would be fine when he was scared, he missed holding him when he woke up, screaming, until he calmed down, as if the only thing keeping him together was Benji's arm's around him.

After two weeks, he left the hotel, feeling ridiculous and a bit stupid.

His flat -not theirs, not anymore- was dusty and as messy as it had been when he'd left it. With a sigh, he started cleaning, putting away everything that was laying around, from magazines to plates to sweaters. He went to the bedroom and opened the closet. All of Ethan's clothes were still there.

He frowned. He went to the bathroom to check the cabinet. Same thing, he hadn't taken anything. Weird. Surely, he'd had the time, enough to come by and empty everything out. He knew when Benji worked, so he could have made sure not to come across him if he didn't want to see him. And Benji was sure he hadn't taken much when he'd left.

It kept him awake all night. Why would Ethan abandon everything he owned? It had been a month. He wasn't the materialistic type, but getting a new wardrobe was certainly more inconvenient than the embarrassment of running into your ex. Even so, it wasn't just the clothes. Ethan had few possessions he treasured, but Benji was sure he'd never leave the few photographs he had of Julia, of his parents and family. He'd even checked the unassuming cardboard box where he knew he'd kept his wedding ring, the only thing he'd kept from his previous life. It was still in place.

***

"Luther, have you seen Ethan recently?" Benji asked, trying not to seem as nervous as he was.

Luther just looked at him, a confused frown on his face.

"Why are you asking that? Isn't he home with you?"

"What? No, of course..." Understanding hit him like a wall of bricks. "He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Ethan broke up with me a month ago."

"Not possible. Really? He broke up with you? But..."

"I wasn't exactly expecting it either."

Luther shook his head.

"When he came back from France, he told me he wanted to take time off, stay at home. I haven't heard from him since then."

Worry gripped Benji like a vice.

"Could you ask Brandt for me?"

Without an answer, he turned and left, half running to his car.

***

Strictly speaking, they weren't supposed to access the mission files from other agents. More precisely, it was an offense punished by termination, plus espionage charges and the promise of a very uncomfortable time to come, if they were caught. Benji knew he wouldn't be.

Ethan Hunt. Rouen, France, chasing a lost briefcase containing information on nuclear research in North Korea. Not a hard mission, per se, which explained why he'd been sent alone. He read the report three times before he caught a note hidden at the bottom of the twelfth page. _Agent was held captive for six hours before escaping _.__ Six hours. Benji tasted bile in his throat. Worry became fear, became panic.

He had to find Ethan.

***

He checked all the pseudonyms, all the accounts he knew Ethan had, all the money stashed away in case he had to run, the flats where he could hide.

Nothing.

Brandt hadn't heard anything, but had promised to keep an eye out. Ilsa had offered to help, which he'd accepted more gratefully than he could ever say. Luther stayed with him, as much to search for Ethan as to keep Benji company.

They worked through the night, Benji becoming more frantic as he grew more tired. Soon, theories left place to speculations, worse and worse scenarios running through his mind and burning themselves into his brain until all he could see were terrible images of Ethan, hurt and and alone. He was too tired to fight them.

"Benji. You need to sleep."

"No. I don't. I can't."

"If he doesn't want to be found, he won't. You know that."

"I don't care. I'm not going to stop until I find him. You can leave if you want."

"Benji... You might need to prepare yourself."

"Shut up!" Benji slammed the computer shut, before he could finish reading what he already knew would be a useless document. "Sorry. He would never... He wouldn't. I know he wouldn't."

He started crying, finally.

Luther put a hand on his shoulder, steadying him. He cried until his head hurt, until he had no tears left.

"Go to bed. I'll check in on Brandt and Ilsa. I promise I'll tell you if there is anything."

"Thank you," Benji answered. His voice sounded alien to him.

Luther left. Standing up to go to bed seemed too huge of an effort, so Benji just kicked the files that were on the sofa to the floor before lying down on the soft cushions. He was cold, but couldn't get up. He wondered if Ethan was cold. Then hoped he could be cold.

He stared into emptiness. He was too tired to be awake, but sleep wouldn't even give him the relief of giving a few hours without fear. His pulse was beating at his temple, crushing his brain in pain.

He tried to focus on what he could see, on what he could feel. The sofa was soft, its grey fabric pleasant under the fingers. They'd chosen it together after Ethan had moved in. The book on the table, buried below a tangle of cables and papers, was Ethan's volume of First Man. Benji had gotten it for his birthday. He smiled at the memory, of how happy Ethan had been. How careless they both were, unconcerned that the time they had might not last forever. It had been a wonderful evening. Next to the television were the pictures they had taken on their first day together, in a small bed and breakfast with a view on the Potomac River. He could still feel the thrill of that time, the amalgam of fear and pure joy of their first days together, when he couldn't yet believe how lucky he was. It had been hope. For a new beginning, a new life. It had been some of the happiest days of his life. Of Ethan's, too, he'd whispered into his ears as they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Benji wished he could go back. Back to that perfect time and place.

He jumped up, an idea coursing through his exhausted mind. It was stupid. Just his sleep deprived brain, grasping at straws. He grabbed his phone anyway, hands shaking and hard beating so loud he could barely hear it ring.

"Golby and Moore bed and breakfast, how can I help you?"

"Hi! Hello. Sorry. Erm... " He scrambled for a lie. "Yes. My partner was planning on a surprise for me, a little game, and I have to guess where he's waiting for me. And since we had one of our first holiday there, I wondered..."

"Oh, how sweet! Is it for a proposal?"

Benji clenched his eyes shut.

"I don't... I don't know. Please, could you..."

"Of course, hon. What's your partner's name?"

"Hunt. Ethan Hunt"

"Let me see... No, I'm sorry, I don't have anyone by that name."

Benji felt as if his heart had stopped. He knew he had to hang up, go back to his search. Or sleep, if he ever could sleep again. But he just felt dead.

"How strange!"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I remember you, now that you called. You were that sweet couple, December last year, right? I'm sorry, it's rude, but I couldn't help but notice your partner. So handsome! You both looked so happy. That's why I didn't recognize him."

Benji didn't dare to breathe.

"He didn't look very well, if you don't mind me saying. He arrived here a few weeks ago, but I barely see him. He doesn't come down to eat and doesn't order room service, I don't know how he does it. He didn't give the same name, either. Is that part of your game?"

"What g... Yes. Yes, it is. When's the last time you saw him?"

"I couldn't tell you. But he tipped the maid quite nicely on Monday."

Monday. Two days ago. Ethan had been alive two days ago.

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

"Well, it was my..."

Benji hung up, and ran to the door.

***

He knocked softly on the door.

"Ethan? It's me. Please, could you open the door?"

No answer.

Two days. It had just been two days.

"I'm going to come in if you don't answer me. If you don't want me to open the door, just tell me, alright? I'll leave you alone."

A breath later, more desperate.

"I just want to make sure you're alright."

Nothing but silence. Benji forced the lock, the ease of practice compensating for his shaking fingers. He opened the door, dreading what he'd find inside. He stepped in. His life seemed to have disappeared, shrunk down until the only thing that mattered, the only thing he'd ever cared about, was this room. The curtains were drawn and the room was dark, the bed empty and the sheets strung across the floor.

Ethan was sitting on the floor, half hidden behind the bed, knees drawn up to his chest and head buried in his arms. He was breathing.

Benji nearly collapsed with relief.

“Ethan, love, I know something is wrong. Can I come closer to you?”

“No.” It was barely more than a whisper.

“Alright. I’ll just sit there, then.”

He sat on the floor, across the room from Ethan.

“All that matters is that you’re safe. You don’t have to say anything, if you don’t want to. I’ll wait. Or do you want me to get someone else? Luther?”

In the darkness, Benji could just see Ethan shaking his head. He rested his back against the wall, and waited.

***

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Benji opened his eyes, and struggled to orientate himself. He didn’t think he’d slept, but Ethan’s faint voice had still brought him back.

“ ’s alright”

“I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t stay.”

“Ethan, I don’t know what happened. You don’t have to tell me now, or ever. But please know that I love you. No matter what happened in France. I’ll always love you. Nothing can change that.”

Ethan started crying.

Benji felt as if he was being torn apart. His first urge was to run to Ethan, take him into his arms, kiss him until he smiled again and all was well, but he pushed it down. He was terrified of hurting him.

“Please take me home.”

Benji rose, fighting the cramps in his legs and his stiff back, and slowly walked to the man he loved.

Ethan watched him carefully. His eyes were full of tears and he was gaunt, thinner that Benji could remember. Benji couldn’t understand how the lady at the reception hadn’t recognized him. Of course it was Ethan. Hurt, and scared, but it was Ethan. He’d never loved him more.

He held out his hand.

Ethan took it.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: Corrected a few mistakes
> 
> Sorry for the delay! Work is catching up on me. I'll try my best to keep writing!


End file.
